On Second Thought.....

When I started this blog, I intended to share our family's experience with Alzheimer's  and the horrible effect it had on my mother in particular and my family in general.  I felt compelled to write about that period of our lives.

However, I have had second thoughts about this. I have written many blogs that I deleted.  For some reason,  I could not publish them.  Even though they were raw, true and may have possibly helped someone else go through this horrible disease, I could not hit the "publish post" button.  Something held me back.

I do not think my mother would want her story told on the Internet.  Mama was a gracious, loving, funny lady.  But she was a very private lady too.  I didn't find out my true life story until I was 60 and she had been dead for a year.  To write anymore, would almost be a betrayal.....and that is one thing I can not do to her.

I need to write about all that has happened, but it will be for my eyes only.  My daughters can read it if they wish, but I doubt if they do. For me it is healing to write.  However, reading it is almost like the old practice of "blood letting", the vein is opened to let the poison out.  It was hard living through it the first time.  It is even harder to write about it.  I need to do it for myself.  It is therapeutic, cleansing and at times painful.  So I will continue to write but I will not publish the blogs.  I intend to just make a copy of the blogs, put them in a folder and if my family wants to read them, they can.  If not, that is ok too.

I have a lot of stories to share in my first blog, " It Doesn't Take Much to Make Me Happy", about Mama.  They are stories that she will not care if I share with others.  In fact, she would be the first to laugh and say ,"Vicky Kay are you really gonna tell that?"  Knowing that I am and she doesn't mind at all.  She would laugh with us.....she did when the stories happened.

Thank you for sharing this short time with me. Your comments and support were very valuable to me. I think I am making the right decision and I will see you all tomorrow in "It Doesn't Take Much to Make Me Happy".  The truest words I have ever written.   Sending my love to you all, Vicky