When my mother was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's she tried to hit the doctor with her purse!!! She called him an "Idiot" told him to go back to school or Hell whichever was closest. Then she ran out of the doctor's office and cried like a baby. She refused to discuss it. She refused to have this horrible disease and she refused any help. There would be no treatment plan, no more doctors visits and no one,absolutely no one, was to know. My family has always been full of secrets. This was just one more to add to the heap. It was a tragic secret but one we could not keep hidden for very long. Like a shark, it came to tear all of us apart---one limb at a time.
When Mama first started getting sick, my parents lived in Fulton, Mo.about 25 miles from me. They moved up there to retire and be with me and my children. They lived there 7 years, before Daddy decided to move back to Kentucky. The thought of them moving nearly killed me. Even though Daddy and I did not get along, I loved Mama and wanted her close. They were getting older and I knew that someday soon I would be taking care of them. If they moved to Ky. it would be hard on me to see to them like I wanted to. I still had quite a few years left before I could retire and only so much sick time on the books that I could take, without getting fired. However, Daddy was determined to move back "home". So one day in June, the trucks came and loaded up their belongings and we all drove to Kentucky to get them settled in.
In hindsight, I can see there were some signs of Alzheimer's. At the time I could explain everything that happened and never once suspected the truth. One day in early April, Daddy's brother and wife came up to spend a long weekend. Mama took Aunt Gene up town to do some shopping and then couldn't find her way home. We all laughed this off, including Mama, because she was such a horrible driver. I never suspected a thing because she had a regular path that she took each day..If she got off the beaten path, she was mixed up for a few minutes but then would get back on track. However, the day with Aunt Gene was different---she really couldn't remember how to get home. It was by sheer accident that she finally recognized their street. Aunt Gene "told " on her and we all had a good laugh, especially Mama. That caused everyone to tell their favorite "Aunt Betty's bad driving stories", and believe me there were plenty.
Mama didn't learn to drive until she was in her thirty's. I remember Aunt Donna teaching her to drive and how embarrassed I was to be seen with her. I was about 14 and I hated to ride with her!! She was the worst driver I have ever known and also the funniest. Although at the time, I didn't always see the humor in the situation. For instance, 4 way stops threw her for a loop. She never knew when to go. If by chance she got there first, we were all doomed!!! She would drive out about 2 feet and stop. She didn't stop---she stomped on the brake, because she was afraid someone else was getting ready to go. I would beg her to just go on and get out of the way.....No such luck!!!! She would repeat this move all the way across the road, with cars almost at each door by the time we finally got to the other side. And then fuss because "people are so reckless and rude"!! I spent most of my time sinking as low as I could go in the seat, praying no one I knew saw me!!
I don't know how she did it but, she only had one bad wreck in her life. That was when she made a left hand turn from a right hand lane and the car in the left lane hit her. We could not make her believe it was her fault. However, the Highway Patrol gave Mama the ticket and told her she would have to go to court. She was furious and scared to death. I went with her to court when the day came. I wouldn't have missed this for the world!!! On the way to the court house in Union City, Mama was so nervous she ran a stop sign and got another ticket. When the policeman pullled her over, Mama told him that she didn't have long to talk to him because she had to go to court. I was drinking a soda and I got chocked and spit Pepsi all over the dashboard. The look on the cops face was priceless. I started laughing and laughed all the way through court. I thought Mama was gonna kill me right there, but I could not stop. The more she talked to the judge, to everyone, the worse it got and the more I laughed. When we got in the car, I found out I was grounded for a month. It was worth it, it really was.
The last time Mama drove a car, she was on her way to take jackets to the little girls who lived upstairs at her house. There was no upstairs and no little girls. She backed out into the street and could not remember what to do. The neighbor across the street was watching her and after a few minutes came out and helped her get the car back into the carport. It was the last time she ever drove.
Vicky, I admire you for starting this blog. We went through Alzheimer with my mother, so a lot of this is and, I am sure, will be familiar. I too in hindsight can see the clues. But I think I did see the clues at the time, I was just in denial. Also the Psychologists who evaluated mother said she was so damned smart, she was able to cover up a lot of the symptoms. I think she probably knew what was going on long before we did.
ReplyDeleteOf course I thought I could use my analytical mind and outsmart the Alzheimer. Like the night mother sat at home in her living room and cried because no one would take her home. So I drove her all over Clinton trying to figure out where she thought home was. Of course that didn't work.
Look forward to following your blog.